Republican Update

Listen up, I never knew I'd ever be so sad...

I've been touched in places by very scary hands.

Unconventional Conventionists
So after three states (plus tiny Wyoming that nobody cares about), the Republican field has three front-runners, of sorts. Romney, the empty suit, that nobody loves; McCain, the 'outsider' that the press adores and the corporate plutocrats AND religious right hate; and Huckabee, who probably just wants to get into the oval office to steal the desk, if his performance as Governor in Arkansas is any indication.

Republicans are now facing the very real prospect that they will have no clear winner going into the national convention and will have to duke it out to pick an unpopular candidate with no base of support to run against the Democrat, who already has the advantages in demographics, fundraising, and political momentum, since they don't share a party with the least popular President since Nixon (and who may well poll below Nixon by the time the election is held).

Congressional Republicans are/were particularly desperate for an early nominee to rally around as the Anti-Bush, since their own prospects are falling like a feather in a vacuum (ha, physics reference) the longer the Idiot in Chief stays at the top of the news cycle. Now, facing this ugly convention prospect, they're making a pathetic attempt at backpeddle and spin from their earlier desperate hope.. which leads us to one of the best quotes I've seen in months.

On Wednesday, several Republican officials said a protracted primary season might add excitement to a party that typically settles on a nominee early.

That's not the tune they were humming last summer, however, when they began worrying about potential losses at the congressional and state levels. When a likely GOP nominee emerges by early February or so, Republicans will "not have the Bush monkey on our back," Rep. Tom Feeney, R-Fla., said at the time.

The Bush monkey. A Republican said this. Hahahaha....

Ahh, the sweet smell of Republican disaster in the morning. Smells like... victory.

Source: Raw Story

What the Huck?
So Huckabee's amusing stories of bizarre hillbilly antics continue. Now he's rabbiting on about how, in college, he got around the usual no cooking in dorm room rules by using a popcorn popper.... to fry squirrels.

Yes, you read that correctly. Your eyes are fine.

"Mika, I bet you never did this," Huckabee went on, addressing Mika Brzezinski. "When I was in college, we used to take a popcorn popper, because that was the only thing they would let us use in the dorm, and we would fry squirrels in a popcorn popper in the dorm room."

Jed Clampett is running for President.

Source: Raw Story

Well, I Know They Fill ME With Contempt
House Democrats under semi-spineless Pelosi look to finally be moving on contempt charges against White House officials who don't think they have to comply with silly things like subpoenas, as opposed to the rest of us mere mortals. Republicans are outraged that the law might be applied against, well, Republican lawbreakers. Could we please just start slapping the cuffs on already? That's the only way you get organized crime figures to talk, whether it's the Mafia or the GOP.

Source: Raw Story

Orwellian Scumbags
You might think, given the wave of economic populism and hard times for the middle class, that Republicans in Congress would dial back their obvious greed and lust for big corporate interests, but you'd be so totally, completely wrong.

Today, Rep. Eric Cantor (VA), the chief deputy Republican whip in the House, unveiled his proposal to stimulate the economy. His legislation — the so-called Middle Class Job Protection Act — does nothing for the middle class. Instead, it reduces the corporate tax rate by 25 percent.

At a press conference today unveiling the stimulus proposal, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) justified the conservative plan to give tax breaks to corporations — instead of working Americans — by arguing that people actually like working long hours:

I am so proud to be from the state of Minnesota. We’re the workingest state in the country, and the reason why we are, we have more people that are working longer hours, we have people that are working two jobs.

Bachmann’s version of the American Dream is apparently working two full-time jobs and struggling to get by.

Of course, as the article notes later, we shouldn't give Bachmann too much credit for this original interpretation of the American dream. El Presidente's already taught us the value of hard work, which I believe he learned about from his servants:

Bachmann may be taking her cues from her bosom buddy President Bush, who on Feb. 4, 2005, told a divorced mother of three: “You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that.”

Yes. It's Fantastic that someone has to work three jobs to survive, isn't it?

Ron Paulitis
Polling in Nevada suggests that Ron Paul has no chance of coming in at any decent position, but the AP has a line on Republican insiders desperately fearing that Ron Paul might actually win Nevada, making it a FOUR way race of losers in the Republican field. Ron Paul, whackjob extraordinaire, is the only Republican to actually show up and campaign in Nevada; all the others fear the strange, unionized Western Sodom too much to bother.

Oops.

Source: Firedoglake