The University of Michigan: Higher Education for the Insane

Wow, the University of Michigan is an amazing research institution. Mere days after it was announced that two researchers there had proven violence in your media was only 'slightly' less dangerous than sucking down tobacco smoke, a Distinguished Professor and Department Chair at the same institution of higher learning has published a study proving that divorce is bad for the environment -- because divorced people have to have more than one place to live, and each place to live takes up room and electricity and water!

Lest you think this was the sort of 'state the obvious' study that has no purpose other than to prove a universally accepted truth in scientific terms (water is wet, up is the opposite of down, twice as much housing is twice as much housing), fear not, intrepid readers. The Professor has some policy suggestions to make as well.

"Hopefully this will inform people about the environmental impact of divorce," Liu said in an interview yesterday. "For a long time we've blamed industries for environmental problems. One thing we've ignored is the household."

Yes, silly us! Here we've been focusing on fuel efficiency, coal fired power plants, sustainable energy production, conservation, when all along we've ignored the household! Won't somebody please think of the children? And their laundry needs?

Please?

Ah, but, astute readers, how should we address this glaring omission in our public policy? How do you address the fact that more homes equals more resource use? Do you encourage apartment living? Do you encourage water efficient devices, electricity saving appliances, weatherproofing, less intensive landscaping? The Kyoto Accords? Pushing the United States to actually SIGN the Kyoto Accords? Carbon offsets? Dare I say it, voting for greener political candidates?

No! Of course not. That's how we got into this mess in the first place. The answer, of course, is to stay in your miserable marriages! Failing that, you pathetic failure of a human being, you need to find someone ELSE to marry!

There is one solution to this conundrum, the study's authors found: Individuals who remarry soon establish new households that use the same amount of resources as married couples who have never divorced.

Liu, who recently celebrated his 20th wedding anniversary, said he also tries to practice what he preaches. "I'm not divorced, and I've not thought about divorce," he said.

I don't actually recall asking, Professor, but that's nice to know! I bet your wife enjoys the fact that your marriage doubles as a cost-saving measure as well.

There's really not much else to say here, except to marvel at how bad the press is out of the University of Michigan lately. As my roommate said, their degrees will have all the value of toilet paper in a few years if this keeps up. Excellent job there!

Sources: The Washington Post
The Sierra Club
Wikipedia (Sustainable Energy)
ABC News
The New York Times (Editorial Page)
EPA Mid Atlantic Region (Green Landscaping)
Natural Resources Defense Council