Clemens Watch

LEAVE ROGER ALONE!@!!!!

We have such idiots in Congress.

To wit:

A Democratic congressman asked the FBI on Wednesday to drop its investigation of Roger Clemens because the pitching great had suffered enough from the probe into steroid use.

Rep. Anthony Weiner, a candidate for New York mayor in 2009, said the FBI is too busy with more important crimes to spend time trying to determine if the ex-Yankees pitcher lied to Congress about taking performance enhancing substances.

"Roger Clemens has been shamed. I think the public record is replete with examples of how he did not likely tell the truth. What is the public benefit of continuing with an FBI investigation?" Weiner said.

Well, my half-wit friend, if he did lie, he lied before Congress. That, to my mind, is a serious crime.

Since his statement and that of his sleazy trainer are mutually contradictory, ONE of them is a perjurer.

That's serious enough for me. Not for Weiner (god what an appropriate name too), though.

If investigators conclude Clemens lied on critical details, he could face charges of perjury, making false statements or obstruction of justice.

In a letter to Attorney General Michael Mukasey, Weiner wrote: "Whether or not Roger Clemens may have committed perjury should not compete with real national security threats for the FBI's time, attention and resources."

Waaaaaaaaaaaah

A rich white man might go to jail for lying!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaah

Source: Raw Story

Republican News Update

They're Creepy and They're Kooky...

Huck is NOT Fucked
So Mike Huckabee has been written off by the McCain loving media narrative as an also-ran, less than a speed-bump on McCain's way to the nomination.

There are two major problems with this. One is that the 'math' they use to assume he can't score enough delegates assumes that Romney won't throw his delegates to Huckabee, or that they won't go Huck's way at the national convention. Romney voters are overwhelmingly Huck voters. If Huck gets most of Romney's delegates, McCain's lead is cut in half or more.

The other factor is Huckabee himself, who is simply too good and too crazy to put down that easily.

Over the weekend the GOP held two caucuses and a primary, and Huck took at least two out of three on a massive wave of public support.

On the Republican side, Mike Huckabee upset front-runner McCain in Saturday's Republican contests.

The former Arkansas governor beat McCain in Kansas nearly 3-1.

Huckabee also took Louisiana, narrowly edging out McCain, according to CNN projections. With both Huckabee and McCain falling short of the 50 percent mark, the 20 delegates will be allocated at next Saturday's Louisiana state GOP convention.

That Kansas win was a real kick in the teeth to McCain, who lost badly to Huckabee, and was (almost) within striking distance of RON PAUL.

Huckabee also won in Louisiana, where the former Arkansas governor had 43 percent of the vote to 42 percent for Arizona Senator McCain, Fox News Channel reported. Huckabee captured 60 percent of the vote in Kansas to 24 percent for McCain and 11 percent for Texas Representative Ron Paul.

Well, ok, striking distance is a bit much. He was closer to Ron Paul than victory. By a LOT.


Sources: CNN.com
Bloomberg.com

Party Boss
That leaves us the third contest, the bigger primary in Washington. A green and verdant land, sharing only two things with the swampy mess on the Potomac: a name, and outrageous Republican skullduggery.

In this case, it's GOP on GOP in a brazen electoral theft that has left the Huckabee camp enraged and outside observers wondering just what in the hell is going on with the Washington GOP, anyway...

According to our records (and I would strongly suggest other people with information check this against their data), the first report came in at roughly 9:30 PM eastern. With 16% of the vote, McCain ahead 27% to 26%.

Then at 10:15 PM, with 37% of the vote in, Huckabee moves ahead 26% to 23%.

Then there was an hour delay until the next update. That comes shortly after 11:15 PM, with 78% counted, McCain has moved ahead -- 25.4% to 23.8%.

Then there's another delay of an hour and twenty minutes. Shortly after 12:35, they get to 83% of the vote and now it's McCain 25.6% and Huckabee 23.8%.

The next update comes at 1:30 AM eastern. By this time they've counted a whopping 4% more of the vote. And with 87% reporting, it's McCain 25.5% to 23.7%.

So just to summarize here's basically how this works. We start out with McCain ahead. Huckabee jumps ahead with a 3% margin with almost 40% of the vote counted. Then everything slows waaaaay down. And we don't see anything else until about 40% more of the votes been counted and McCain is back in the lead. Things then proceed a glacial pace with Huckabee a little less than 2 percentage points back until 9% more of the vote is counted. And then they decide to declare McCain the winner. Not quite as cut and dry as the conclusion of a Scooby-Doo episode. But pretty close.

Sound fishy to you?

Positvely Tuna Casserole.

Don't worry though, we have Boss Esser on the case.

I already noted in the post below the comically unfolding story of Washington state GOP chair Luke Esser, who decided to stop counting the votes in the state GOP caucus with 13% of the votes still uncounted and has spent the last 24 hours coming up with increasingly ridiculous explanations of his actions.

TPM Reader NM just flagged this article in the Seattle Times which quotes Esser now saying that the state GOP is going to try to get as "close as we can to 100 percent" of the vote counted.

I mean, don't knock yourself out, right?

Indeed. No need to get flustered about VOTES in an election year or anything.

Sources: Talking Points Memo
Also Here

So what does Huckabee intend to do, if he succeeds in his mission to turn a McCain juggernaut into a trench warfare campaign against McCain, a split right down the middle of the GOP ala Obama and Clinton, only a lot less nice?

Simple. He's in it to win it, and a tie in delgates leading to a vicious convention fight doesn't scare him at all.

LYNCHBURG, VA. -- It may be miracles he’s espousing, but Mike Huckabee’s done a little math of his own. Even if he might not be able to attain 1,191 votes necessary to win, he’s banking on the possibility John McCain can’t either.

“If John McCain doesn’t get 1,191 delegates, this goes to the convention, all bets are off,” Huckabee told reporters. “And after the first ballot anybody can end up being the nominee.”

Yes, he's declaring civil war in his own party.

Oooh yeah. That hits the spot. Like an icy cold drink on a bright, hot, dry summer day. Man.

Referencing Hillary Clinton’s tearful moments in recent months, Huckabee said, “If I cried and whined every time someone ignored me in this, I’d quit a year ago. But you have to realize that in every stage of this, there’s yet to be a time when the pundits said, Huckabee’s the guy to pull this off…I’m enjoying it if no other reason than to just intimidate the daylights out of all the other people who feel like they have it figured out.”

Following what he called an “overwhelming” win in Kansas and “shocking” victory in Louisiana, Huckabee said he felt “confident” going into Virginia.

"When [your opponents] really don’t think you have a chance, they ignore you. When they say bad things about you, they fear you. So the fact that I’m being asked to leave and all these things are being said, it’s an extraordinary honor. I don’t necessarily enjoy it, but I sure appreciate it."

*shudder* Ok now I think I might need a real drink after all.

I don't necessarily agree with the reporter that he's referencing Clinton there, but did you see that tone? Man he's mean when he's angry. I've heard that anecdotally, but until this interview the mask hasn't slipped in public that I know of. You can hear the oiled leather of the jackboots there, just a little bit. Huck's got a bit of that Corporate-Clerical sort of fascist in him.. more Franco, less Mussolini, but it's there all right.

Yeesh.

Source: CBSNews

Theohuck (Not a Danish Hero, But an Ugly Trend)
Huckabee's been busy campaigning on Sunday (GASP), and firing up the evangelicals like the good old southern bible-thump he is.

Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee has won electoral contests by focusing his pitch to religious conservatives around the country. And in a Sunday visit to the church of the deceased Rev. Jerry Falwell, Huckabee threw that base some more red meat.

"We really don’t need a lot of law if we’re people of morality," Huckabee said at the Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg, Virginia, according to a report in the Lynchburg News Advance. "There are only 10 basic laws that we need … the reason that the law is more complicated is because we try to find clever ways around those 10."

Additional reports at CBS News showed Huckabee taking his statement a step farther.

"I hope you know Jesus Christ personally…because the level to which he rules you and governs you, you need less and less of man’s law to tell you how to live and that is what our Founding Fathers understood and we must understand," he preached.


...


The Baptist minister and former governor isn't new to calling for more Biblical influence on America's system of government. On the stump in Michigan in January, Huckabee declared that there was a need, "to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards so it lines up with some contemporary view."

I believe I wrote previously on the Constitution thing, but it bears repeating. THE MAN IS INSANE.

The Ten Commandments are the only laws we need? Really? Which one tells me how to drive my car? Even if we're all good people, good, Godly people, we need rules to dictate how we drive our cars! We can't make it up as we go along!

How about taxes? The Bible says taxes are ok, render unto Caesar and all that. The Ten Commandments don't say how we should pay them, though.

What about national defense? Healthcare? Property disputes? Contracts? Rape? The Ten Commandments don't forbid rape, I think we need a new law on that one, can we at least OH I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE MY BRAINS ARE LEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAKING.

Source: Raw Story

The Empty Side of the Aisle
I need to mellow out here. This is getting a bit too intense.

Breathe... breathe... find some encouraging news, yeah, that's the ticket....

Aha, here we go!

Rep. John Shadegg (R-Ariz.) announced Monday that he would not seek reelection

Shadegg, 58, was first elected to represent Arizona’s 3rd congressional district in the Republican wave of 1994. Known for his staunch opposition to earmarks, Shadegg ran for House majority leader in 2006 after Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas) resigned from Congress. He lost that race to Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio).


“The bottom line is that this is a personal decision between my family and me, about our dreams, goals, and ambitions, and we have concluded that it is time for me to seek a new challenge in a different venue to advance the cause of freedom,” Shadegg said in a statement.

He added that his health is great and that he had raised more than $1 million for his planned 2008 re-election race last year. His expected Democratic opponent, Bob Lord, had raised more than $612,000.


...


Shadegg is the 29th Republican House member who will not run for reelection this year.

HAHAHAHAHA.... whew... ok, that's better. I feel better now. 29 House Republicans quit in one year. ONE YEAR. This latest one? No, it's not for health. Not for lack of money. Not even just to 'spend more time with his family'.

He realizes he's going to get smoked, and it's not as much fun being in the minority side of the aisle anyway.

Ahh... nice.

Source: The Hill.com

News (Vanilla)

These changes won't come easy, it'll take some time to lose these feelings..

Ice Creamy Fraud
So some net pranksters/fraudsters forged an ad campaign saying that the Cold Stone ice cream stores in Michigan would give away small ice creams to anyone for a single day.

There was of course no such promotion, leaving the stores somewhat flatfooted.

The stores in question had apparently recently changed ownership, reverting back to the parent company over a profit-sharing dispute, so I can imagine this might be the work of the former owners, but who can say.

Previous franchise holders said they lost money because the Cold Stone system required a 9 percent cut of sales, not profits. They claimed the system set up local business owners to fail.

That does sound a bit punitive, I have to admit. Still, rules are rules; the coldstones around here seem to do ok, for the most part.

Source: Mlive.com

Advance of Soviet America
In our never-ending quest to fix all of our problems with surveillance and bureaucracy, until we become what we most hated during the Cold War, or claimed to hate at least, in a horrible cliche, Indiana has started a crackdown on driver's licenses.

This has nothing to do with our new law requiring one to vote, of course. Nope nope.

In this case, a man has to change the name he's used, legally enough it seems for 65 years, the name he served his country under during WWII, because he had to get a new license. The reason? It doesn't match his birth certificate.

The BMV informed Francisco Mendez, 65, that he had to change his name to Francisco Mendez Vale to match his birth certificate even though he follows the custom of his native Puerto Rico and does not use his mother's family name. In many Spanish speaking parts of the world, children are given both the father's and mother's family names, but generally use only the paternal name.

"I've been Francisco Mendez for 65 years," said Mendez, who was born in Puerto Rico and raised in Gary. "I served in the military with that name. And I retired from U.S. Steel after 35 years with that name."

Well, see, he's a funny brown person with a funny name. We need to stop him getting a license, because then he could VOTE.

And yet, the Supreme Court will no doubt allow this law to stand. Next up are the TSA's internal passports, which you'll have to have a valid driver's license to get, of course. In our very near future, folks, is an America of the haves and have nots, the people with Papers and without. Without them, you can't get a license, can't get a real job, can't travel, can't vote, and might as well not exist.

Can you be sure they won't revoke your right to papers? Do you really want to find out?

Another Hat Tip to Nidoking and his News, btw. My comments there are very similar to here, so I'm doing my part to recycle.
Source: Associated Press

I Don't Think the Debate Clause Was Meant for This, Pelosi
So Florida investigators want access to pervert Mark Foley (R-Chat Room)'s computer, to see if they can find evidence to indict him on being a sick, pervy individual who tries to seduce kids from the House floor during votes.

The problem: the House as an institution is standing behind the boy-grabber to preserve their own privileges.

House lawyers previously refused to allow investigators access to the computers, arguing doing so would violate the Speech or Debate Clause of the Constitution. Only Foley can waive the privilege that allows lawmakers to keep their legislative papers private.

Look folks, I understand the legal rationale for having the Congress be immune to the Executive branch. I really do. Having that rubicon that the President can't cross is a great buffer against him just deciding, one day, to send in the FBI and shut you down on a pretense. Having the DC police under your control in turn provides a nice check to Executive misuse.

But this is going a bit far. Surely the House as a collective could grand a one-time exception here. Otherwise this kiddie hunter is going to walk completely free. How did it serve congressional 'debate' for him to seduce kids with your wifi? I'm confused.

Source: Raw Story

I Prefer the Term 'Church-Free' Myself
So the Southern Baptists had a study done on why so many people don't go to church. 22%, the highest ever in an American survey, now say they never go to church. Unchurched, for the purpose of this study, includes those people and anyone else who hasn't been to a church in six months.

The thing is, these people aren't, on the whole, irreligious; they're annoyed.

A new survey of U.S. adults who don't go to church, even on holidays, finds 72% say "God, a higher or supreme being, actually exists." But just as many (72%) also say the church is "full of hypocrites."

Indeed, 44% agree with the statement "Christians get on my nerves."

Oh god, chalk me down in that 44% plz, kthx.

USA Today spins this a bit to make it sound that the unchurched are ignorant when they say all religions are basically the same; but, you know, objectively speaking, they really sort of are. When you're not religious, they all look sort of scary and cult-like, historically systems of control and soothing people about their fate to rot in the ground, and the like.

Source: USA Today

My Floridian Friend Found This
Enough F's in that title? Heh.

So it seems there's a Sweeney Todd Cold Cuts registered with Florida as a profit-seeking corporation. This isn't a short term prank at least, they've been going for three years.

Detail by Entity Name
Florida Profit Corporation
SWEENEY TODD COLD CUTS CORP.
Filing Information
Document Number P04000068778
FEI Number 201174392
Date Filed 04/23/2004
State FL
Status ACTIVE
Effective Date 04/21/2004

I will have vengeance... I will have PASTRAMI!!!

Source: Florida Department of State, Division of Corporations