A Real Nightmare All Right

Horror Special

Dear God, No
No, no, no please, please...

Transformers director Michael Bay and his partners at the Platinum Dunes production company have been tasked by New Line Cinema to "relaunch" the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise.

Wes Craven’s 1984 slasher classic gave the world the iconic Freddy Krueger, who haunted a total of nine films and two TV series. According to Variety, the new outing will represent a "complete overhaul" of the Nightmare concept.

Not Michael Bay, please, please no. Not the man who insisted on a non-asian cast for Pearl Harbor, spread malicious lies about Japanese spies in America, and had to have a Japanese protagonist added over his head by the studio after production.... not to mention one of the most talentless hack producers of our time.

Well, at least that's the worst news.. what do you MEAN there's more?

Bay and chums are also gearing up for a May start on resurrecting Jason Voorhees of Friday the 13th in a new film to be helmed by Marcus Nispel. This is apparently up for a "complete overhaul" as well, and movie buffs will remember just what a complete overhaul did for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - remade in 2003 by New Line with Nispel calling the shots and Platinum Dunes lurking in the shadows.

ARGH. A bad director AND Bay are remaking Friday the 13th?

I think he's determined to destroy everything that was good in the entire decade of the 80s.

Just please let that be the end of...MOTHERFUCKER

And just to reinforce the feeling that Hollywood has completely lost the ability to come up with an original concept, Variety adds that Platinum Dunes is "prepping an exorcism thriller" for Rogue Pictures, plus a remake of Near Dark to be directed by music vid vet Samuel Bayer.

Oh yes, and the company's filling its spare time "developing a Universal remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds", in which Casino Royale director Martin Campbell will presumably ensure that slated star Naomi Watts will get plenty of unwanted avian attention.

So talentless whore Michael Bay is remaking Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Birds, Near Dark AND an Exorcist ripoff all at the same time.

This man is the devil. We need to bind him in a circle of salt, wrap him in iron and dismember the body before burning it in cleansing fire at dawn.

It is the only way.

Source, and I mean I copied almost the whole damn depressing thing: The Register