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Commentaries
First up, a lengthy examination of the merits of various superheroes and their powers. The verdict?

The Flash has the greatest powers of all time. (A bit surprising I know).

Source: Mushroomblock.com

Next up, The Onion takes on the Patriots' Perfect Season -- Perfect for Everyone Else, at least.

FOXBOROUGH, MA—As the once-invincible, still-insufferable Patriots attempt to come to grips with their 17-14 Super Bowl loss to the Giants, the death of their dream to go undefeated, and the possible end of their dynasty, almost every other person in America is reveling in what they consider the perfect ending to New England's season.

"I just couldn't imagine a better ending to the Patriots odyssey," said Simon Williams, a Kansas City-area football fan who usually watches the college game but found himself caught up in the Patriots' sheer loathsomeness during the season. "The utter lack of humility they displayed alongside an equal lack of any joy in the game, that toad of a coach, and that cologne-ad quarterback… If they have to act that badly while playing that well, you really want to see them fail in the biggest way possible. Thank God almighty, that's what we got."

I feel that way about all pro-football players, myself, but it's nice to see it in print. Thank you, Onion.

Source: The Onion

British Store Sells A Great Model
Would look great in many a bedroom.

Source: The Register

Spidey vs Lead Pipes!
Newspaper Spiderman is notoriously lousy at the actual superheroic game, but he is also, apparently, a lot less powerful than his large format self.

His previous interaction with a falling brick to the back of the head (and subsequent amnesia) is well known among a certain class of internet snarks, but twice over the last two years he has been felled by an ordinary human swinging an ordinary lead pipe.

How can the most agile and alert superhero of all time be hit by mere mortals with a bludgeoning tool? Is this an example of lame writing and terrible, terrible inconsistency in the newspaper strip? I say Nay, friends. Paper-Spidey is secretly weak against LEAD PIPES. They must block his Spidey-sense, which could indicate that it is in fact merely a form of harmful ionizing radiation that his body emits as part of his superpowers.

Thus giving everyone close to him cancer... no... wait, sorry, that's from an Alan Moore comic.

Hmm. I still say it's the pipes. Maybe the ancient Roman god of Plumbing hates Spiderman?

Source: joshreads.com
joshreads.com

MSNBC-Misogyny
Amanda Marcotte takes apart a hilariously outmoded opinion piece written by a bitter single woman about how it's better to settle for an unhappy marriage than be... a bitter single woman.

"To the outside world, of course, we still call ourselves feminists and insist — vehemently, even — that we’re independent and self-sufficient and don’t believe in any of that damsel-in-distress stuff, but in reality, we aren’t fish who can do without a bicycle, we’re women who want a traditional family. And despite growing up in an era when the centuries-old mantra to get married young was finally (and, it seemed, refreshingly) replaced by encouragement to postpone that milestone in pursuit of high ideals (education! career! but also true love!), every woman I know — no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure — feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried.

Oh, I know — I’m guessing there are single 30-year-old women reading this right now who will be writing letters to say that the women I know aren’t widely representative, that I’ve been co-opted by the cult of the feminist backlash, and basically, that I have no idea what I’m talking about."

Thanks for doing my work for me! In exchange, I’ll be generous enough to point out that my lack of desperation to get married and have kids has a lot to do with a general unwillingness to get married and have kids. Some people are allergic to cat hair. I’m allergic to strollers. Tragic, I know.

Me, I have a pathological aversion to screaming, wailing, and disgusting dirty diapers. So I definitely get where she's coming from there.

Seriously, read the whole thing. This is classic.

Source: Pandagon

Necking
So Hockey is showing its gruesome, crimson true color.

Florida Panthers left wing Richard Zednik was recovering in hospital Monday after he was gashed in the neck by a skate blade, the National Hockey League team said.

In a statement posted on the team website, the Panthers said the Slovakian born player continued to recover, but gave no further information on his condition.

Sportsnet of Canada reported that Zednik underwent a two-hour emergency operation Sunday night to repair a cut to his carotid artery.

Zednik was inadvertently slashed in the neck by the skate blade of teammate Olli Jokinen of Finland in a game against the Buffalo Sabres.

Oooh... nasty.

And here's the part where I say, "It gets worse"

It gets worse:

Zednik bled profusely from his neck but was able to skate toward his bench where he was met by the trainer and taken to the locker room.

The game was delayed as blood was cleaned from the ice and both coaches waited to hear if the player was all right.

Only when they were informed Zednik was in stable condition and on his way to the hospital did they decide to continue with the game which was eventually won by Buffalo 5-3.

This has happened before in Buffalo, it seems.

The play brought back memories of when then-Buffalo netminder Clint Malarchuk had his jugular vein sliced in a 1989 game against the St. Louis Blues.

BUFFALO IS CURSED

Then again, maybe it's hockey.. a sport where every player is armed with a blunt object and sails around hard ice at 30 mph on sharpened serrated knives..

This is the second skate cut incident for the National Hockey League in two days.

Veteran NHL linesman Pat Dapuzzo was injured when Philadelphia Flyer's Steve Downie inadvertently struck Dapuzzo in the face with his skate in a game between Philadelphia and New York on Saturday.

The 25-year veteran suffered cuts to his nose, cheek and jaw requiring dozens of stitches.

I *KNEW* hockey had potential.

Those Canadians know how to live, man. Violence Ball is their Kingdom's Number One activity.

(AKA, Hockey)

Source: Raw Story